My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
