are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
