I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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