I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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