sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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