Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
