So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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