I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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