i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
