it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
