Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
God I need to hump something, right now.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
