I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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