You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
