If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
