I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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