Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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