I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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