every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
