it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
