I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
