she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
