Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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