I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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