the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
