And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
