I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Randomize
