so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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