Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dude i'm inner monologue high
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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