I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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