I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
well you can't waste a boner
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
