Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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