yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
