What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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