...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
