Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
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