bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
