Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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