I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Randomize
