I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
