we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
