we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
