I hope mine doesn't look like that
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
