Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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