Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
