You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
