I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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