I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You can't motorboat a personality
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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