Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
