You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
