there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
