You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
