Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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