i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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