Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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