is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
