I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
