Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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